Grown Folks are Talking

O that ye would altogether hold your peace! and it should be your wisdom.
Job 13:5

As a child, I was taught the invaluable lesson of being seen but not heard. There was a point, as I grew, that my voice as well as my presence became equally desired. Until that point, my goal was to quietly exist without noise or interruption. I can remember looks of scorn burning through my inner soul on those rare occasions I dared to disobey a rule as old as my family's lineage.

"Hush boy, grown folks are talking," an elder would bark without the slightest bit of eye contact. I hated this rule and the oppressive atmosphere it and others like it created. To sit and listen to a conversation and not be allowed to weigh in was cruel and demeaning. Over the years I racked up piles of pennies, never once solicited for my two cents. Like most rules we despise as children we institute them in our own homes as adults.

My children, as inquisitive as their father, are always lurking around a corner hoping for inclusion in whatever my wife and I happen to be discussing. At times, one of them (especially my oldest Jordan,) will casually place himself into the conversation with the most abstract and vague comment he can. His remark, though not quite on the subject matter, is close enough to let us know he wants to be involved. That same icy glare that is handed to every parent in my family like a dowry usually accompanies the same bark, "Hush boy, grown folks are talking."

The irony of this lesson is that it has taught me as a man that sometimes my words and inclusion are completely unnecessary. I have found that in life there are more times that silence rather than responding is the appropriate response. Words should be used as if they were premium resources that are slowly drifting into scarcity. Unfortunately, many of us speak to quickly and often without thinking treating our words as if they flow from an endless pool. I thought of the lesson that I learned as a child, which was basically to not get involved with things that don't involve me.

Recently, our President (whom I voted for) spoke out of turn and caused irreparable damage to himself and his cause. While discussing his much debated and controversial health care reform plan he commented on a situation involving a friend and a Cambridge police officer. Rather declining to comment, he gave his antagonists a platform to yet again criticize him. Why? Simply because he spoke out of turn. Who is right and who is wrong is not the issue when someone places themselves in the middle of a situation they shouldn't. A reporter who wanted to engage the President and make a story asked the question; she
succeeded. In my opinion, the President should have respectfully declined to respond to the question or simply be silent. Criticism would have surely followed but at least it becomes a guessing game as to where he stands. This is a classic situation of a man who represents all viewing himself as part of a minority. Now it is not my assertion that the President doesn't have a right to speak his mind, but in this situation (like the ones from my childhood) was not for his inclusion. Much like my childhood, the President attempted to offer his opinion on a subject that he admittedly did not have the facts on. In these situations, silence is the only perfect thing to say.

The hardest thing in the world for us to do is mind our business. We cause hours of traffic delays due to rubbernecking and will stand on a street corner because we just have to see what's going on. Many of us will run towards danger while others run away because of morbid curiosity. The windows of America are constantly peered through because it is our nature to get involved and offer our opinion (welcomed or not.) Unfortunately, criticism and ridicule often accompany our opinions (welcomed or not.)

I think the President would benefit from some of my grandmother's greatest
life lessons.

• Speak only when spoken to.
• Don't put things in your mouth.
• Wash your hands.
• Clean up after yourself.
• Don't touch anything that isn't yours.
• Don't ask for anything you can't buy.
• Don't buy anything you can't afford.
• Ask yourself, do you really need this?