Laugh Without Reason

My kids have returned from their summer vacations and with them they have brought back laughter to our home. I’m not talking about the type of laughter that follows a funny joke or a one-liner on a television sitcom. I mean gut-wrenching, awkward, milk-out-the noise joy that only a child can summon. Their wild eyes and inappropriate innocence is what every house requires in order to truly breathe.

As a father, I won’t lie; I’ve often tried to kill that laughter by insisting that my kids “grow up!” My sons have felt the worst of this wrath because, as a man, I live in constant fear that they will come short of my own journey to manhood. Desperate for my boys to be twice the man I am, I often push them rather than allow them to lazily stroll out of their childhood at their own pace.

My youngest son Desmond has an imagination that would rival the set of any Hollywood studio. He creates in his mind characters and stories that astound me with realism. His outlook on life is so naïve it frightens me. It scares me that he sees none of the pain and cynicism in the world. It scares me that his mind only processes the very best in everyone and that he and his siblings find the laughter in all situations. It scares me because the world will never allow him to retain possession of his optimism. It scares me even more that what he sees reality and I have created a watered down version of truth.

My oldest son, Jordan attempts to be a man after my own skepticism. He peeks around corners and tiptoes through situations being always on the look out for a possible ambush. However, in moments of weakness he can be found hanging out with his younger sister and brother rolling on the floor engaged in an imaginative contest with rules that are just as ridiculous as the goal. He wants to be the teenager that gets lost down the corridor of gloom but the optimism of adolescence keeps clearing a path for elation. I feel for my son because though he teeters on the threshold of adulthood having equal passage back and forth from youth and maturity, eventually one door will close forever.

I feel like a hypocrite telling my kids that the world is theirs for the taking and in the same breathe warning them of the pitfalls of the very world they can soon possess. Work hard and no one can stop you! Of course, you should be careful because there are plenty of people who will try.

I hope I have not painted a picture of grim despair while the children are not present. My wife and I have a great time together but never with the amiable and carefree approach to life of my kids. Whenever they are all in the same room a game of make believe creates a fantastical world that only they can see but my wife and I can enjoy. My wife and I have sat and listened to them describe the vivid and colorful world around them that we often only see in black and white. With broad-brush strokes they paint the world with colors such as happiness, joy, wonder, and delight. We are the audience with a front row ticket to the happiest show on earth, the pure and untouched perception of life through the eyes of children.

Tomorrow I think I will take an early day and ask my kids to show me a glimpse of a world that I haven’t in a very long time. With any luck they can teach to me to laugh uncontrollably and absolutely without reason.