Fatherhood: A Presidential Mandate

I am of the opinion that government should only get involved in the lives of people when it is absolutely necessary. I've learned a valuable lesson about sharing my political viewpoint, and that lesson is that I'm guaranteed to find more vocal opponents than allies. This is not about politics but the role of politics in my home.

The other day I was watching television with my kids and President Obama did a quick 30 second commercial about the role of fathers in American homes. It was a jovial, non-confrontational spot about the joys of fatherhood and how more men needed to get involved in their children's lives. My first thought was that I had no opinion about the commercial or the fact that the President felt a need to invade our television program with the information. When iCarly came back on I began to think about the commercial and suddenly became a bit sensitive to the idea that the President of the United States felt a need to tell me to be a good father.

I felt it was a violation that a man who has one of the most visible jobs in the world and has the ability to literally give his children anything they desire would lecture me on fatherhood. I mean, I remember the pride I felt when I announced to my three children that they would all have their own room in our new house. This feat was dwarfed by the President inviting the Jonas brothers to give a private concert for his girls to welcome them into their new, plush crib. Now I don't need the lecture that a man's pocketbook doesn't dictate his level of fatherhood but an iPod touch is cool - a ride around New York in Air Force One is enough to make even me squeal like a schoolgirl!!

So I pouted. I pouted because I know in my heart I am a great father (at least I make every conscious effort to be) and I'm appalled that the President thought it necessary to break from his responsibilities to remind me of mine. Right around the time I had made a decision to write a stern letter to the White House, reality kicked in.

President Obama wasn't talking just to me...

In a father's day speech at a church in Chicago, the President uttered some disturbing statistics that some of us know all too well:

"children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and twenty times more likely to end up in prison."

I have struggled with my identity in the past because of my biological father's lack of participation in my life. To be quite honest, having a son only deepened the hurt I felt that meeting my father at 16 wasn't enough to make him bend over backwards to make up for lost time. One look into my son's eyes and I knew that we would be together for as long as life would allow us to. I immediately thought of all the things I would teach him and the exciting things we would learn from one another. God, in his infinite wisdom, sent a man in my life, who although imperfect, would serve as an usher for my journey into manhood.

I was lucky.

I was lucky because through the mistakes and setbacks of a man who chose to call me his son, I learned how to be a decent man. I've known the heartache of playing the role of husband, son, protector, comforter, and friend to my mother. I've felt the awkwardness of being forced to grow up fast while simultaneously staying in my place as a child. I wish it on no one, especially my own children.

The woman I married was accompanied by two kids that no one can convince me to call step-children. They are mine. They dwell with me, they laugh with me, they succeed with me, and they fail with me. Though I will never know the sweet joy of hearing Daddy from their lips, I relish in the fact that I've been allowed to share their lives for almost four years. I held Erin's
hand when she was fitted for braces. I videotaped Desmond as he MC'd the school's talent show. I cheered louder than anyone when Erin learned to serve a volleyball, and I donned the Coach whistle when Desmond played soccer. I've punished them both only in an attempt to impart my values and wisdom. I ensure that Erin knows that a woman should never allow a man to
hit her, and I reinforce the idea that there's never excuse to hit a woman to Desmond. Desmond and Erin call me Anthony, but not like anyone else. They have given my name a familiarity that sounds a lot like Dad from a distance or at low breath. Jordan has known me as Dad since his first breath and shares that sentiment with his brother and sister willingly. Please don't misunderstand this as bragging, fatherhood is not an accomplishment it's a never-ending expedition.

The fact that many African-American homes are missing fathers and the first black President pleads with men to be fathers is an irony that I enjoy. Whether a man has been present since conception or found fatherhood as a package deal with matrimony, being a father is the greatest joy he will ever know. The people that live in my house will eventually emulate the best of me and oppose the worst of me. My goal is to carry out my fatherly duties humbly and without seeking a reward.

This was by no means an endorsement for the current President or a notch that should be placed in his belt. It is recognition that government has every right to remind the men of America that their duties go beyond provider. The future men of America need the guidance and wisdom that only the current men of America can provide. No matter how you voted or plan to vote, understand that being a good father is a bipartisan endeavor that we
should all strive to achieve.