Struggling

The very idea of struggling brings to mind a difficult situation that appears insurmountable by anyone’s viewpoint and definition.  You imagine a single mother sitting at a kitchen table toiling over a mountain of bills that she can't pay.  A man sitting in a hotel room with his face in his hands incapacitated with sorrow because he has allowed his indiscretions to remove him from his home.  A family, who once lived in abundance, now huddled in the back seat of a car (their last possession) using their bodies for warmth.

What if your problems are that great?  What if you knew exactly the cause and the moment that your struggle began?  What if you were the cause of your perceived struggle?  Most of all, what if your problems were only felt by you and the world refused to acknowledge them or show any sympathy for you?

Well, I'm there!  As with most Americans finances are a huge struggle for my family and me.  Were aren't losing our nest egg in the stock market.  Our home isn't threatened to be foreclosed.  We have plenty for our bills, just not enough for everything else.  At this point, anyone who has had to be financially creative will probably stop reading...I realize that coveting is a big no-no, but it isn't the "things" I covet as much as the lifestyle or ability to get those "things".  It is the desire to see exactly how green the grass is and find out for myself that the maintenance and upkeep of the grass comes with its on set of problems.

I find myself asking God why he didn't choose me to be a millionaire or a man with enough means to offer my family a comfortable lifestyle.  I know what his answer would probably be - to be happy with all He has blessed me with.  So am I wrong for wanting more?  Am I ungrateful because my desire is for my family to live in a big beautiful house and for my kids to go to great schools?  

I don't believe it's wrong but I do believe that if I measure my life on what I have than I run the risk of losing what God has in store for me.  It may not be riches or fame, it

may only be the opportunity to touch a life I have never and may never meet.  It may only be to address my sons or my daughter Mr. or Miss President.  How awesome would it be to realize one day that this life I cursed and despised was something bigger than I would ever be? 

Trust me there are times that I throw my hands in the air and wonder if God hears my pleas and sees my tears.  There are times that I wonder if my faith is vain, especially when it seems that those who have denied Him are basking in the fruit of abundance.

I have to believe in my heart that my prayers have not gone unanswered and that all that I seek will be revealed to me in time.  I have to believe that understanding God's plan and his infinite wisdom is beyond my feeble, earthly mind.  It gives me comfort to know that I’m not required to rely solely on myself to navigate the troubled, choppy waters of life.  

There was a time that the story of the man with no feet angered me.  Why would I stop weeping because I have no shoes because I met a man with no feet?  He doesn't need shoes!  But now I get it.  The point isn't to see that his need is greater but to focus on a need other than my own. Instead of weeping about my shoe problem I should reach out and help someone whose need is just as great as mine - because they too have a need!  Through faith, God will provide for my needs and my heart's desire so I have better things to do with my time and energy.  When I turn the focus from myself to someone else, the mountain I’m climbed suddenly feels like a small grade.  Loving thy neighbor applies today more than ever.  An outward focus makes an inward struggle manageable.  Suddenly in the midst of being in the presence of God's awesome power and love, I find that my only struggle is the desire to be more and not have more.